Merry Christmas!

Praying your Christmas is filled with God's love and peace.

Thankful

A quick poll to see what makes the members of our household thankful.

Micah:
* time-out (uh, what?)
* Drink
* Chair
* Teacher
* Curious George

Mia:
* Jesus
* God
* my dogs (we don't have dogs... I'm confused)
* That Jack feels better up in Heaven (Jack is their Granddad's dog that recently died)

Melissa:
* Naptime
* Having a God that loves us enough to leave his Heavenly home to save us from ourselves
* Adequate food, warm house, clean(ish) water, and the freedom to believe what I choose

Mark:
* Everyone being healthy after months of sickness

Streamlining

The last year or so my goal in life has been streamlining.

I looked up one day and realized I was stressed, unhappy, and didn't look forward to the next day. I knew something had to change. I had to make my life less hectic. I had to stop the constant busyness and the pressure to do everything. Start spending less time on things that don't matter, that have no lasting significance. I didn't want my children to look back and not remember me playing with them. Or that I was stressed because the house was messy. I wanted to show my girls how to have balance... except that I didn't know how.

Thus, I had to go bare-bones. First was to get things decluttered and organized so I didn't spend my time merely stepping over piles or moving junk from room to room. I had to figure out what was really important, and what I was only hanging on to. Then I created some systems to make my life easier. The most helpful was a cleaning checklist. I am someone who likes to mark things off as I complete them and I also tend to be easily overwhelmed when I can't remember what needs to be done. The cleaning checklist saved my life. I feel accomplished having marked off the task, and I can easily see what needs to be a priority.

It's been an interesting process and I'm still working on it. But I now find myself with time. I never had any time before. I have worked on projects I've put off. I've had time to iron. I've had time to sit and play with my kids for hours. It's been amazing. Streamlining my life has lowered my stress levels significantly and has made our house (I think) a cleaner, happier, more peaceful place.

And now... I see I'm finding time to blog again. I am very happy about this! I just hope there are a few people who still read. ;)

So, hopefully you'll see me around more. And I'll probably be streamlining the posts as well: one or two quality pictures versus a ton. Some more writing about what we're doing, which is what I like best. More of our thoughts and passions. I hope it's something everyone enjoys. :)

Pumpernickel

Lately it hasn't been the lack of time that has kept me from this blog (though, that has certainly been an issue). It's just that I couldn't find the words to write. What do you say when you just can't seem to write about the biggest thing in your life?

It all started June 4th. I had an inkling. Things didn't seem... right. And either I was going crazy or a certain something was... late. A test was taken and, though I expected otherwise...

Two pink lines. I was pregnant.

Quick calculations put the baby due in early February and we scanned the internet for bread names (as is the tradition). And we had baby #3. Pumpernickel.

After the initial shock, we were quite excited. We dreamed about tell the girls. Mia had been asking about babies and requested a baby brother to be born soon. I couldn't wait to feel the baby kicking, talk (fight) about names, and pick out the baby's verse and special song.

And then we went to the doctor. During the ultrasound the baby showed to be measuring a week behind. No worries! said my doc. Based on your chart this is highly likely. We'll scan you again in a week.

But something didn't feel right. I tried to be positive but something kept nagging at me. Something was wrong.

And something was... we lost Pumpernickel just 3 days later.

It doesn't matter that he or she was the size of an apple seed; it was our baby. I loved that baby with everything I had. I dreamt about him or her. I could literally feel the baby in my arms.

And then it was gone.

Even now, more than a month later, I struggle to put into words how I feel. The best way I can describe it is just that feeling of something missing. My arms feel empty. My heart is missing a little piece. Every time Mia asks when we are going to have a baby, my soul aches just a little bit more.

There hasn't been a time when my faith has been tested so greatly. Have I been angry? Sure, at times. Who wouldn't be? I had already dealt with infertility... why this? Why now? Have I been depressed? Yep. Denial. Frustration. Devastation. But one thing has remained -- hope.

Right after the miscarriage started, I was sitting outside talking with God. And I asked Him -- "Okay, what's up? Why me? Why now? Can you give me just one answer?" And He clearly replied, like a breeze over my soul:

"Because I am the same today that I was yesterday."

And it's true. He was there the day before when I was thanking Him for this precious gift. And He was still there even when it was taken away.

My heart learned something new that day -- how to choose to praise. Is it truly praise if we only do it when things are going great? going OUR way? Or does it become more real when we lift our hands and voices when there's pain? There were times when I'd grit my teeth and stomp my feet. I didn't want to praise Him. But I had to. Because He is the same.

I pray that God uses this hurt. I pray that Pumpernickel's short little life isn't in vain. And you know... that's all in my deciding. I can choose to be bitter and angry, but what good does that do? Yes, I still grieve. There are still tears and my heart feels a bit empty. But I choose to say -- "Lord, Blessed Be Your Name."

"Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow." Jeremiah 31:13

*Crickets, crickets*

Hello readers!

Um... hello? Hellllooooo!


Oh, right. Yeah. If I was reading a blog that hadn't been updated since NOVEMBER I don't think I'd be checking in often either.

Sorry about that.


What's going on, you say?


Well... Not a lot. Mia turned 3. Micah turned 1. I realized that as much as I'd like, I am unable to slow life down. Time seems to be speeding up and these precious girls we have been blessed with are growing up at lightening speed. It's totally unfair.


And so, in that spirit, I have been trying to really look at what is most important for each day and only work on that, so as to spend more time with my girls. Laundry, dishes, and paying bills still seem to be here, as is my need to talk with others (aka, Facebook) blogging seems to have fallen way down on the list. I mean, who wouldn't want to spend time with these characters?

Oh the love.

Not sure why exactly she was using stickers at Micah's chair... I'm sure she was up to something.

Micah is, as usual, intense. Her love is intense. Her rage is intense. Her joy is intense.

So, as you can see, we've been busy. I hope to blog more. Make more time between everything else. I do love looking back at our older posts. Seeing the things that they've done. I don't want to lose that... so, here ya go. Posting. :)